“Love is an absolute, but like other absolutes it loses its absolute meaning as soon as it is spoken. Love is all-embracing, but as soon as it is named, it is limited.” — I Ching (Sam Reifler translation)
Have you ever known someone who is in a relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend or spouse and whenever they talk to each other on the phone they always end their call by saying, Love you? What’s with that? Are they afraid the other person is going to forget? Are they afraid that if they don’t say that every single time they speak on the phone that the relationship will start to fall apart? Is it a way to maintain a tethered connection when the two are not in the same room? Do they say it simply out of habit?
Saying, ‘I love you,’ to someone can never, ever be as powerful as actually loving them. When you unconditionally love someone there is no need for verbalization because it can be felt with every fiber of that someone’s being. Do we repeatedly say it because we are afraid the other person can’t feel our love? Or because we are afraid our love for them is not unconditional enough for it to be felt by them? Is there an undertone of insecurity in our words?
We live in our minds but true unconditional love is not an intellectual thing. It is a feeling-tone vibratory resonance. Love is a feeling — as opposed to an emotion. When we try to conceptualize it, intellectualize it, it becomes an emotion. It becomes conditional love instead of unconditional love.
Our thoughts and emotions need constant feedback. So we verbalize love to give and receive that feedback. Love becomes an exchange.
When two people are at the very beginning of a relationship both people are usually deathly afraid of being the first one to say, I love you. What if the other person does not say it back? That would be intellectually and emotionally devastating. But once the I love you has been said and reciprocated then the mental/emotional feedback loop begins and cannot be broken without ending the relationship. That mental/emotional feedback loop is a condition which keeps love from being unconditional.
The triumvirate of our thoughts, emotions and ego take over the relationship from our heart and soul. There may still be some unconditional love in our heart and soul but the triumvirate dominates. How often a couple say I love you to each other can be indicative of how conditional their love is.
Of course we all want to know that we are loved and feel that we are loved. But the true knowing and feeling are in the heart, not the noggin. We cannot experience unconditional love with a closed heart.
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