The Backwards Tale of Two Track Stars

And a frustrated master of ceremonies

The master of ceremonies for the championship track meet was none other than Kent Brockster. You might remember him from such low-budget documentaries such as Cheese, Why We Need It and Getting Obscenely Rich With Needlepoint. Kent never had any goals when he was growing up other than to be popular. He fell into his career simply because he had that perfect voice for narration. He just went along where ever his voice led him and now after 36 years of doing news, narrating documentaries, doing commercials, and hosting countless stupid events, Kent no longer had the patience to wait for the two track stars who were late.

The event was supposed to have started thirty seconds ago. As though to make sure it was still working — or to hurry things us — Kent tapped on his watch with his fingernail. There was no response and he put his arm down to his side, expelling a deep sigh. If only people realized how much waiting I had to do, thought Kent. If I added up all the time I’ve spent waiting for everything to be in place before I began speaking, I’d….I’d….well, I’d have a whole extra lifetime!

Just then, Gloria and Amber, the two track stars, appeared at the gate to the field. The crowd, numbering about four thousand, erupted in cheers. Gloria and Amber were the two top-seeded track stars and were now facing each other…