Love, Life, and Death

So very profound! Yes, yes, yes! Thanks, Ann!

The very, very, very, very, very, very worst thing a doctor can ever do is tell a patient that they have X amount of time left before they die. It should be illegal for a doctor to make such a proclamation!

Around seven years ago my doctor told me that I had between 6 and 12 months left to live. He proclaimed a death sentence upon me. I had cancer and there was simply no way I would last more than 12 months.

I looked that doctor in the eye and told him to go fuck himself!

Now, seven years later I am utterly cancer-free and I am healthier than I’ve been in years. Sure, I still have physical ailments that arise but I tell those ailments the same thing I told that doctor. No one or no thing is going to tell me when I am going to die. That is strictly MY CHOICE!

While grief is held in the chest/lungs, guilt is held in the liver and gastro-intestinal tract. The antidote to grief and guilt (the two awful G’s) is held in the heart and solar plexus.

Ann, you are so correct about children!

When my daughter was two and a half years old she came within a tiny, razor-thin whisker away from dying. She fell off a twenty-foot balcony down onto the cement floor below, landing on her head.

I was the very first person to arrive at her side. She was not breathing and she had no pulse. Luckily I had taken a CPR class a few years before. I proceeded to resuscitate her. After about a minute she was breathing again and she had a pulse and she was crying. It was the most glorious sound I have ever heard in my life. I saved my daughter’s life!

It’s the most goddam scariest thing I’ve ever done in my life! My daughter would not be alive today except for me! I saved her freaking life!

It took a very long time for me to realize, but she actually saved my life!

She taught me (and her mother) a very valuable lesson. She taught us about the incredible joy of life. She taught us that the very thin line between life and death is totally understood by a small child but as we grow up that line is discombobulated by what we are taught. To a small child it is still a very simple little line. For adults it screws things up big time!

My daughter showed me the very thin line between life and death. She shook me to my very core. She laid there lifeless on the ground daring me to resuscitate her and bring her back to life. She has always been my greatest teacher.

Thirty years later she was there in my heart when my doctor told me I had between six months and a year to live. I could feel her life-force. I could feel and remember the moment when I saved my daughter’s life. As a small child she clearly knew the difference between life and death. It is ALWAYS a choice.

It was the greatest lesson I ever learned.

I saved my daughter’s life. Because of that I looked my doctor in the eye and told him to go fuck himself. I walked out of the hospital and never looked back. My daughter had forced me to save her life. And I did.

And now I was being faced with saving my own life.

And I did. I’m not sure I would have been able to do that without first having been taught the valuable lesson of life and death by my daughter. I saved her life and then she saved mine.

It is why we bring our soul-mates back into our lives. We’re in this thing together. We take turns being teacher and student. Over and over and over again we teach each other about love. It is the ultimate lesson.