King of the Hill

A Capitalist playground story

Construction on the new wing of classrooms at Angus Frederick Wellinghizer Elementary School began during summer vacation. During the initial excavation a large pile of dirt was dumped temporarily on the playground. The dirt pile was approximately twelve feet tall; not exactly a mountain but to small elementary school kids it was a really big hill.

After classes resumed following summer vacation the big pile of dirt was still there. To the befuddlement of the faculty, during recess the kids did not swing on the swings, slide down the slides, hang upside down from the monkey bars, or play sports. All the kids instead gravitated towards and played with the big pile of dirt.

How does one play with a big pile of dirt? Well, there are actually countless ways but what proved to be the most popular game among the youngsters was King of the Hill. In case you have never heard of this game it involves a race to the top of the hill. The first kid to the top is proclaimed King of the Hill. And that is when the game starts getting alarmingly competitive.

You see, the object for all the other kids is to make it to the top and push the King down the hill, thus deposing the old King and becoming the new King. So once a kid made it to the top and became King they had to defend themselves against all the other kids clawing their way to the top, pushing them all down as they reached the top of the hill. The kid who could remain at the top of the hill the longest without being deposed was the winner.

Despite being a tad overweight, Danny McManderfelt was taller than most of the other kids and he was also meaner than anyone. Many a young student had lost their lunch money to him on the playground. During the first month of the school year Danny was the undisputed champion. He always managed to claw his way to the top and he was utterly ruthless in pushing everyone else down.

This only fueled the desire of the other kids to make it to the top so that they could push Danny off the hill. If you had ever had your lunch money stolen by Danny there was nothing you wanted to do more than depose him. While Danny made it to the top more than anyone else and stayed there longer than anyone else, he was always eventually mobbed by enough kids to be…