Member-only story
Lurlene and Norton had been married for nine years when they bought their new couch. It was dark blue and overstuffed. It was so comfortable that it was difficult to get up from after sitting on it.
Norton immediately claimed the left side of the couch as his. He told their five children that no one was allowed to sit in his spot. In bed with his wife he also slept on the left side.
The children were aged nine, eight, seven, six, and three. (The three-year-old was an accident.)
The TV remote was to always be located on the end table by the left side of the couch. If the remote ever ended up elsewhere court proceedings were held to determine the guilty party who moved it. Punishment usually came in the form of denial of some snack.
When Norton came home from work he immediately switched into sweatpants and a t-shirt then plopped himself onto his spot on the couch where he stayed until it was time for bed — getting up only to utilize the bathroom.
“One of these days someone’s gonna invent something so that ya don’t gotta get up from the couch to pee,” he told Lurlene hundreds of times.
Once seated Norton immediately turned on the TV then he called out to Lurlene to bring him a beer and…
