Source -(Pixabay)

Cigarettes and Peaches

A strange discussion about direction

White Feather
3 min readJun 16, 2019


If you only smoke one cigarette a year chances are good that you will enjoy the hell out of that one cigarette. But if you smoke more cigarettes the enjoyment with each one goes down and habit rears its ugly head.

But what if I had just two cigarettes a year? One during the first six months of the year and one for the last six months of the year?

Gosh darn, I hate calendars. I’m sure two smokes a year could be quite joyful but neither of them will be as ultimately joyful as one a year. It’s simple math.

So what about people who never smoke any cigarettes all year?

Well, they just don’t know what they’re missing.

So when was the last time you had a smoke?

Oh my. Let’s see… I think it was about three or four years ago. I don’t remember how I even got hold of a lone cigarette. Anyway, I went home with it to find that I had no lighters or matches in my home. I lit the thing on the gas stove. I singed one eye brow just a little bit. I sure enjoyed the hell out of that smoke.

So you haven’t kept up your one smoke a year deal?

Oh hell, that’s not my deal. I just made that up.

Why wouldn’t you want to “enjoy” one smoke a year?

Because I’m weak. Very, very weak. It’s like strawberries. It is literally almost impossible to eat just one… Oh, guess what? Speaking of fruit, The Western Slope peaches will be coming in next month. I am SO excited!

Western Slope peaches?

Yeah. They’re grown in the western half of Colorado. It’s weird but in Colorado peach trees only flourish on the westward facing slopes of the mountains.

Why only on the west side of mountains?

How the heck would I know? I’m not a horticulturalist. We all have our own personal direction. The way I figure it, long ago a large army of peach trees marched westward across Turtle Island. They were headed for San Francisco. They climbed up the eastern slopes of the Rocky Mountains and when they descended down the western slopes their feet got stuck. They sunk into the earth. They never made it to San Francisco. They could no…