Member-only story
Billionaire Blues
Can anyone help me?
Unlike many billionaires I don’t like to self-promote. I’m shy. I never go to the same parties as Elon Musk. Actually, I hardly ever go to parties. I’m just not a party kind of dude.
I’m one of the few billionaires in this country who doesn’t need to put on a disguise in order to go out in public. When I go to the beach and some nobody drowns, the reporters are all flocking towards the drowning victim and no one pays any attention to me.
I like that. It’s one reason I have never developed six-pack abs. It also helps that I am not married to Penelope Cruz — although I wish I was. (Dang you, Javier Bardem!)
I also don’t like politics. Before I became a billionaire not a single person on the planet cared about my politics. Now I am constantly invited to political fundraisers. It’s like billionaires are the only people politicians care about.
But I don’t go. I always manage to come up with some excuse — like I’m attending a party at Jane Fonda’s house.
You might think it’s easy being a billionaire but it’s not. In America it’s like being a Beatle or something. You can’t even pee in private. Those damn kids have learned how to pick a lock.
And then your wife gets called a “Yoko One” just because she believes in astrocartographical…
