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9 Lies About Me No One Knows

And one true fact. (Can you tell which one it is?)

  1. I am an extremely wealthy snob. I’m only a few million short of being a billionaire. I own stock in numerous companies, I own so much real estate that I can’t keep track of it, and I make more money in royalties for my writing than Stephen King and James Patterson combined. I have been on the Forbes Wealthy Snobs list for many years (under a different name, of course).
  2. I once dated Penelope Cruz, Alicia Vikander, Anna Kendrick, Keira Knightley, Beyonce and Madonna all in the same month.
  3. My IMDB page is really, really long, both because of my many acting credits and writing credits (under a different name, of course). I won’t tell how many Oscars I’ve won because that might give me away.
  4. I once spent two years living in an ashram in India studying under one of the world’s most gifted masters.
  5. When I was a kid my mother had me tested and it turned out I’m a genius.
  6. Never in my entire life have I ever owned a microwave oven.
  7. I once worked as a backup singer for the Rolling Stones.
  8. I’m the guy who taught Ben Affleck how to play poker.
  9. Once I rode a Bactrian camel all the way from Kabul to Ulan Bator.
  10. Sadly, the Major League baseball team that I own has never won the World Series during the time that I’ve owned it (so far).

Can you guess which one of these “10 Things You May Not Know About Me” is actually true?

(I would tag another Medium writer to get them to also tell lies but that would just be wrong.)

Earthling — Lifelong novelist & essayist —

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